


Think of What's Great About Me and You

by itricochets



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2012-10-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:27:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itricochets/pseuds/itricochets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Patrick wants a kid</p>
            </blockquote>





	Think of What's Great About Me and You

**Author's Note:**

> _Title taken from The Last 5 Years_
> 
>  
> 
> _Disclaimer: Not mine, all false (save for the possibility that Patrick Kane does not, in fact, know the word progeny)_

“I want a kid,” Patrick says and Jonathan is suddenly wide awake.

“What?”

“A kid. You know, a child, offspring, prog- I don’t know that word actually.”

“Progeny,” Jonathan tells him as he yawns into the pillow.

“Progeny. A kid,” Patrick says almost wistfully.

“How is that a good idea?”

“We would be great parents,” Patrick informs him, “or maybe just me. Between our talent and my looks, fuck you,” he hits Jon who’s snorting with laughter and not even trying to gracelessly hide it, “we could have something good going. Then again, I want the kid to have both our genes so maybe one of my sisters could carry it. I’ll have to talk to them.”

“One of your sisters?” Jon asks incredulously, wondering if he’s still sleeping. At this point, it’s a very viable possibility. 

Pat nods, mulling it over. “Yeah. I mean, you don’t get to sleep with any of them. Artificial insemination or some shit like that. And they’re sure as hell not being knocked up with my sperm. That’s just wrong.”

Jon groans and buries his face into the pillow. “It’s not the most wrong thing that’s been said in this conversation so far.”

“Fuck you,” Patrick says again. He settles comfortably on his back, leaning into Jon who pulls him close. “Having a kid would be totally awesome. Think of everything we could teach him or her. Greatest hockey player ever.”

“Our lives would be completely overrun. Pat, how are we going to about raising a child? Our schedules are crazy and we’re on the road half the time. Maybe we should get a plant or something. Like a cactus.”

“A plant?” Patrick sits up a little and looks down at Jon, a little infuriated. “A plant? Plants don’t do shit, you freak.”

“I’m just trying to think of something that won’t be disastrous if we kill it.”

“I will not kill our baby. Why would you say that? Why are you planning our unborn child’s death?”

“We don’t have an unborn child! And stop taking my words out of context, you tiny midget crazy person,” Jon retorts. “Holy fuck, it is too early for us to be having this conversation.” He flops back down into the pillow, face first. 

Patrick is quiet for a few moments before he pokes Jon who blearily faces him, eyes half-open. “I’m not saying we have to have a kid right now. But I know I want one, with you. It’s not the worst idea.” 

Jon nods. “Fine.”

“Fine,” Pat repeats. He lays back down. “I’m not baby crazy or anything. It’s not like every time you fuck me I’m going to say something like “Put a baby in me” because gross. I don’t even know how that would work.” Jon makes a kind of gurgling noise. “Besides, you know that when we eventually have a kid, my mom is moving in. Actually, both our moms probably will. So we don’t need to worry about not always being there. Hey, which sister do you think I should ask? Probably Jacqui, right? I think Jacqui. Ugh, why couldn’t you have a sister?”

“Because you took them all,” Jon mumbles. “Kaner, it’s early. We don’t have to actually be up for at least an hour. Can we just put this discussion on the back burner, please?”

Patrick makes a slight disgusted noise but agrees. “You know, we could do stuff other than talk about kids or sleep.” His voice drops an octave as he leans up on one arm and trails his fingers up Jonny’s back, waggling his eyebrows at Jon’s quizzical expression.

“Alright,” Jon says amiably, turning over onto his back, “but you better make this worth my time.” 

“Oh, I will, baby. I will.” Patrick stretches himself out over Jon and nuzzles his cheek, slowly kissing his way across the jawline. Their mouths meet and Jon mm-hmms appreciatively, spreading his legs. Pat settles between them a little more comfortably, one hand running up and down Jonny’s chest, the other around his back, pulling him closer. He pulls away slightly and grins. “I’m gonna put a baby in you.”

“That’s it,” Jonny bleats, pushing Patrick off him. “I’m up, we’re done with this now.” He gets up and makes his way to the bathroom, not turning around when Pat calls to him.

“Jonny, come on. I was joking!” Patrick yells. “It’s funny! Motherfuck.” He sits back on the bed and pouts. He hears the water turn on and considers going in after him but feels like his effort will be moot. Instead, he gets up and pads his way into the kitchen to get something to eat. By the time Jonny joins him, Patrick is nearly done with his first bowl of cereal and half-way through the comics. Jon settles into the chair across from him and Pat greets him by kicking him in the shin.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jonny gripes, rubbing at his leg. 

“You need to lighten the fuck up,” Patrick tells him. “It was funny.”

“Are we still on this? And it wasn’t.”

“Whatever, dickwad.” Patrick pushes his bowl away from him. “Why are you so resistant to discussing having a family with me?”

Jon glares at him. “It was inappropriate.”

“It was inappropriate,” Patrick repeats mockingly. “You’re inappropriate.”

“Your face is inappropriate.”

“Your life is inappropriate.”

“Patrick!”

“See? You’re all about grown-up, adult shit and yet when I bring something to the table, it’s stupid and immature.” Patrick leans back and folds his arms, narrowing his eyes at Jon.

“The way you go about talking about it is kind of immature. We aren’t ready to have kids,” Jon argues. He holds his hand up before Pat can respond. “We’re not. And it’s great that you want to; I do too. I’m happy you shared that but then you rushed into planning it. Maybe your sisters don’t want to carry our kid or it might be easier if we adopt. I don’t know. But you need to just calm down. You’re like a puppy, you get overeager about stuff.” He sighs as Patrick’s pout becomes more pronounced and his eyes are just tiny slits from how narrowed they’ve become. “You make me be the rational one when you say shit like this. I’m not going to be all ‘OK, let’s have a family right now’ just because you’ve decided that having kids is a great idea. We can’t be stupid about it. We have to have a plan and right now, though I know I want a family, I’m not ready to commit to any plan right now. We'll take it slow.”

Patrick sighs and moves his folded arms from his chest to the table and lays his head down on top of them. “You scare easy.”

“A little, yeah,” Jon agrees slowly and reaches across the table to grab one of Pat’s hands, “but you’re off to the races with every half thought out idea. Kids are a good plan but let’s not go there yet, okay? Maybe Sharpie or or one of the other guys will let us baby-sit and you can get your kid fill that way for now.”

“They won’t let us anywhere near their kids,” Patrick says. “Sharpie said no way to that.”

“Well, it’s probably good sense from them,” muses Jon to the utter annoyance of Patrick. “What? It is.”

“Be on my side, Jonathan.” 

“Eat more cereal, Patrick. And pass the grown-up part of the paper this way.”

They sit in non-silence made up of crinkling pages, the crunching of cereal, laughs and slurping from Patrick when he’s left with too much leftover milk in his bowl. When he’s done, Patrick looks across the table at Jon who’s reading something probably terribly boring with intense concentration.

“I still want a kid.”

Jon throws a napkin at him.


End file.
